You and Me....... So Different We Are....

I've been blessed with the wonderful opportunity to attend Canaan Christian Church here in Louisville, Kentucky while at my MCAT Summer Workshop. They release a quarterly publication entitled "The Word for You Today." It is a wonderful tool to use while spending time with God in the morning. Since I seem to be having some interesting relationship dealings here recently.... this one stuck out to me and I decided to share it with everyone. :-)


"Male and Female He Created Them"
Understanding the Difference
Genesis 1:27 NIV

Is Professor Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady right? Are men more rational and forgiving than women? No, but there's a difference. Let's say a problem arises before work. After work, he's forgotten it; he's compartmentalized it to focus on work. For him it's over, but not for her. She's rehearsed, processed, and labeled it, while multi-tasking all day. It hasn't disappeared; it's unfinished business. After work he comes home, blissfully unconscious, and ba-boom, it erupts. He's got that bewildered, "Is there a problem?" look. "Is he playing naive?" she wonders. "How could he possibly forget?" He's thinking, "What's gotten into her? Not that little incident from this morning? Who harbors something so insignificant that long?"

Since God created male and female differently, He tells us to "Conduct....married life with understanding" (1Pe 3:7 NEB). Understanding brings happiness. His brain functions compartmentally. He moves from family to work to recreation to hobbies, etc., each compartment walled off from the other. When in one he forgets the others. But her compartments are connected, spilling over into eachother. She's working and thinking about the kids an planning dinner, etc., simultaneously! No walls. So this morning's incident is still in her mind, though forgotten by him. By understanding differences she can give him time to get back into "the family compartment" before raising the issue. And he can realize she's not being unreasonable or unforgiving, she's being what God made her. Until the issue is resolved she has no place to hide from it. She need closure so she can feel good about the relationship again. "Male and female he created them." Only by understanding that we can live in harmony.


I laughed while reading it, because I have seen myself in this position numerous times. Often times both sexes are always trying to figure out what is going in the mind of the opposite sex. Some differences are evident, but some aren't so easily seen/understood. It seems all too simple to accept the fact we are just different and try to find common ground. In the situation stated above, neither person is right or wrong. Yes, it happens like that. lol It was refreshing to read this.


I guess men are really from Mars and women are really from Venus. Divinely created.

;-)

Staying Out Of Reverse

6.24.09

A random date that marks change in my life. I decided I was finally ready to make a personal transformation.

I felt like I was going insane. A few days prior I found myself falling back into old self-destructive habits I had as a child/pre-teen/teenager. It scared me. The stresses of school,

money, relationships, friendships, and family were weighing really heavy on my shoulders.

It was like the "high" I had been having about life instantly disappeared and I was going through withdrawal. 

I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I paced around the room until I broke down in tears. The tears wouldn't stop flowing and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my 

chest. It was like my body was going through a flash thunderstorm. All I could do was pray.... I asked God to show me the way. I told Him I was tired.... my mind, my body, my soul... all 3 were weary. 

Reverse.

I was going in reverse again. Fixated on old issues and problems that were over and done with. It was bringing me down. I got up and took a long look in the mirror....

At that moment I became honest with myself: nothing in my life would change unless I put in more effort and took better care of myself. No more running away, no more making excuses. I am 100% responsible for my own happiness and success. I took a look at some of the things that has been on my mind the most and decided to tackle them with a different, more positive approach. 

Medical School..... I had been procrastinating on the application process and making it worse for myself. I finally set some goals and have been working to tackle it step by step. It is going better than I thought. I told myself I wouldn't quit before I started. I can make the dream a reality with a little hard work and dedication. I want to be accepted the first time around.... period.

Relationship with my Father.... Father's day was a tough one. I used to be the #1 Daddy's girl and let's just say it isn't like that anymore. Every day is a struggle for me when I think about my father. The past few years have been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I love him with all my heart regardless of some of his actions. A child always seems to have unconditional love. It's a work in progress. 

My Body...... I'm not 100% satisfied, but me not doing anything won't change anything. I can honestly say I have been the most comfortable with myself than I have in a LONG TIME, but some things bother me. Most of my childhood I battled with some serious self-esteem issues. Every day I am falling more in love with who I am and beginning to truly embrace the body that God has given me. I just need to take care of myself and I know it will make a huge difference in my daily walk. I'm tired of "hiding." Also, with the news that my mother now has Diabetes, I am increasingly concerned about my health. I worked out today and it felt wonderful. It's been a while... too long.

Love...... I've made a mess of it all. Now I am doing some much needed housework to clean it up. I have all these feelings... so many feelings... My last entry was concerning a guy I had been "involved" with for the past 8 or 9 months. I had become consumed in him. I also made the "relationship" bigger than it was in my mind. I fell in love with him and I am okay saying that. It is funny how women and men think so differently, but thats how life is. Every day I awaken to a new realization about the whole situation and it has caused me to do some serious soul searching. For the longest time I was embarrassed about it, but I am taking it as a learning lesson. In addition, someone has recently come back into my life and im not sure how to feel. Another individual expressed his feelings to me the other evening and that adds some fuel to the fire. I am soooo afraid to potentially start back again or start something new. I have said to myself numerous times that I wanted someone in my life, but in reality I don't have it together. In a recent conversation with my counselor I discovered I really don't even know what I want. I also need to let some stuff go so I can stop assuming all relationships will end up being the same. It's like I would be focused on something eventually going wrong instead of the fact that it may actually go right.  I'm working on myself right now and I think I need to take some time for me to figure it all out so I can put my best foot forward. 

I know changing is not going to be an easy, fly by night task to complete but I am ready....

I'M READY.

Lovesick.

I find myself playing all these different love songs on iTunes.... The mellow sounds of John Legend's "Again" and "Another Again" are floating throughout the room. I look down to see my shirt spotted with the tears that won't stop flowing....

Damn, I love you, but this is crazy,
I have to fight you almost daily,
We break up so fast,
And we, we make up so passionately,
Why can't we just trust each?
You can't hate me and be my lover,
Passion ends, and pains begins, I come back...

And we're doing it again,
Yes, we're doing it again,
Oh, we're doing it again,
We said it would end but here it goes again.

I love him soooooo much.

L.O.V.E

I never would have imagined when the love affair began at the end of October that I would fall in love. He would bring out a part of me I forgot I had.... A part that was lost to past heartaches and pain. A friend posted India Arie's "He Heals Me" on my facebook wall and I couldn't help but become overwhelmed with emotion...

He heals me 
Told him my biggest secret 
And he told me four. 
He smiled at me and said that makes me love more 
And then he made me laugh 
And I knew it was a sign 
That he was a man, 
That I wanted in my life 

And with every passing day 
I feel more and more of that way 

He heals me 
He knows the real me 
And he accepts me, he never hurts me 
He heals me 
He knows the real me 
And he accepts me, he never hurts me 
He heals me, 
He heals me 

I can play him songs, all through the night, 
And he will listen to every line, 
And even when I’m wrong, he is still kind 
He chooses his words wisely when he tells me I’m not right. 

We talk every day.... The few days we haven't talked, it didn't feel right. I can't stay mad at him for more than an hour or two.... I can spend all day (or even weekend) with him and as soon as he is gone I miss his presence, his touch, his kiss, his laugh, his smile......

But we can't be together.....

we can't be together....

It hurts. 

It hurts like hell.

I can't seem to let go. The love feels so real. What we have isn't close to perfect, but there is something that makes me want to fight for it. I feel like I'm losing the battle... my heart is becoming weak.... I feel like Musiq Soulchild "Deserves U More"

who, tell who baby knows you better than I do
Said it out your own mouth
I aint even got to say it
you aint got to make an issue
I aint trying to play the victim
I'm just trying to make this thing right

How could you think that I could ever be better without you
I mean, i could go a few months
But everyday girl I'd be missing you
For me to send you off to another dude
the thought of it is so depressing
You & I both know that we needs this that why

I'm explaining...what I'm fighting for
girl, theres no one who deserves you more
so stop subscribing to those crazy folks
cause there's no one who deserves you more
who gave you love?
dont change on me. dont change baby
I'll go halfcrazy if you choose to leave
Thats why I'm explaining...what I'm fighting for
girl, theres no one who deserves you more
deserves you more...

I know I am a good woman. I just always seem to get placed in the not-so-good situations. Everything has been put out there..... things probably should never have gone this far.

The other women. 

Not wanting commitment.

I ignored it and it has left me...

STUCK

I just don't know how much more my heart can handle. I know that he loves me and he cares about me... but he wants to do his own thing. I hold on because so much time and so many feelings have been invested.... It is not easy to just let go of the force that has been created.  I have to make a decision and stick with it.

no more going back and forth

I just hope I choose the right one. I see love all around me. I know and see happy couples all around me. It isn't wrong for me to want that. I also know that dealings with love shouldn't be...

forced.

If I have tears, I want them to be tears of joy... not tears of sadness. The waiting game can be soooooo dangerous... and I don't want to be the loser anymore....

Going back though time....

So I decided to go through a bunch of pictures as I transferred documents from my old laptop to my macbook. It brought back some good and bad memories. Looking at them made me realize how good life really is. I have met (and continue to meet) some truly beautiful people and have had (and continue to have) some once in a lifetime experiences. The simplest photo can speak volumes. Here are a few of them (old and new....very much random)... my my my the memories.....lol

Me and Aaron for his Prom senior year in high school

Spring Break 2009

My First Hand Grenade... New Orleans 2009

John Legend Concert 2009

Inauguration 2009... People EVERYWHERE

21st Birthday....outta there! lol

High school... used to get my nails done FAITHFULLY lol

Tina, myself, Josh.... Freshman year at HU... they kept me going..

SMDEP summer 2007... me and my roomie at the final picnic

High School Senior Picture

High School Senior Picture

2 great guys who changed my life.... UNTHSC Summer 2008

In high school... one of my fav pair of sneakers... when I wore them heavy...

My First Delta Week :-)

Me and Kerm.... One of the best friends a girl could have

Know Your Heritage Black College Quiz.... Chicago Fall 2007... 2nd place goes to PVAMU!!

My 20th Birthday... they went all out... I felt sooo loved... although I still have traces of car paint left...lol

Blowing out the candles..... 20th Birthday at Red Lobster

My sister convinced me to get my first weave.... unfortunately it was a really really bad "quick weave." LOL

The day I crossed DST 

H.B.C.'s 1st birthday!!

My dad's wedding... my sister, brother, and myself.... one of the worst days of my life.. :-/

In my dorm room freshman year.....

9th grade in high school... Alicia Keys concert

Summer after I graduated from high school.... before and after I cut my hair.... traumatic!